i was right to fear work bc holy shit today felt like a carousel of questioning myself as an engineer and individual bc those two are scarecely inseperable to my identity. this mfer from work is a mean bitter bitch i want to toilet paper his house. i hope his wife leaves him. like how do you get off being mean to a junior engineer who started this job like 5 months ago. peace and love.

i hopped on fields of mistria pretty much the second i got home and then poured the waning hours of my evening into building this blog up again. i forget how much i enjoy getting absorbed into something akin to the act of creation here. and if creation means frankensteining code, then so be it.

i hope tomorrow is better. tomorrow has to be better. this feels like the sort of night i'd watch princess charm school on. maybe i shall.

rejoice! today went well and things worked out in my favour! my supervisors re-affirmed the quality of my work and the relief that i can move on with my life without this lingering in my soul. i hate that i pick my nail polish off when things bother me especially when i went through the effort of painting my nails this week...

i miss summer vacation. im 25 so its been a while since ive had a summer vacation at all but i saw a bunch of kids running to the park this morning while i was driving to work and it reminded me of those endless azure days i remember from my childhood. i was a super active child until i discovered runescape and descended down the path of being a neet but my favourite summer memories involve me sitting on the family desktop playing poptropica until i got kicked off. and its not like i dont sit on my ass playing video games now anymore but the air hung differently back the. nostalgia becomes me.

its so fucking hot today. i listened to tyler the creator's new album during my drives- think 'ring ring' is my standout track. but ive been so sad that a lot of music sounds sour to my ears.

summer thunderstorm today. pitch black room and nested in blankets on hardwood floor. i dont want to feel like a person.

here should be a secret day in between saturday and sunday for girls like me. weekend was gone too quickly with the many errands i had on my todo list. i bought a new pair of shoes- these darling brown suede mary jane style flats- im hoping will serve me well for work. deep cleant my room and sat with the feeling of fulfilment that comes from treating actions intentionally and with artistic intent. im not an artist in the classical sense but a lot feels like art.